Facebook Friend Finder
you insist on showing me
my less-than-best self.
Newsflash: I'm not a very nice person, sometimes. Longtime readers may have noticed I have a certain ... shall we say, caustic ... outlook on life that, while occasionally humorous, also carries a certain sting. I'm not proud of this, but I have to be honest and at least acknowledge my inner bitch if I'm going to do anything to lessen her impact on my better self and become the more loving, lovable human being my priest, my yoga instructor, and my therapist all insist I can be.
The reason I bring this up is beacuse of a strange thing that happened to me while I was wasting a few minutes on Facebook this morning. You know that "Friend Finder" banner they have? It pops up on the right of your homescreen and scrolls the faces of "People You May Know!" along with their names and the fact that you have a gazillion mutual friends. You are encouraged to add these people as friends, so you can happily share all future posts, pictures, and birthday wall-scribbles (Happy 29th!!!XOXOXOXO.) I usually ignore this aspect of FB, because 1) I really don't know most of these people, even though we apparently have acquaintances in common and 2) I realize that this is only one more way Facebook is trying to take over and control my online life. (I'm not really ready to be taken over or controlled by Mark Zuckerberg and his ilk, not just yet, anyway.)
Only today, my screen popped up a couple of faces - one from the past and one from the present - I really can't stand. Does that sound extreme? I thought so, too ... but one glance at those pictures and I felt that most revolting of emotions: hatred. My mental gears switched right from "mellow" to "mean." The girl from high school who made my teenage existence miserable? I decided the posed glamour shot she was using as her profile pic made all the bad cosmetic work she's had done in the thirty years since I've seen her far too obvious. The business acquaintance I've caught undermining his colleagues time and again? I was momentarily tempted to grab a Sharpie and scribble an ugly mustache on his smiling, smarmy face ... only then I remembered that that face was on my computer, and while Mr. Smarmy would never know I defiled his image, my husband would be sure to question the marker all over the screen.
That was when I realized that this is my lesson for the day. Like most people, I suppose, I spend way more time engaging in ill-feeling about people over whom I have no control and who most likely don't give a rats-ass about me or my opinion. The only person hurt by my negative reaction to them is - d*oh! -me.
I don't have to "friend" these folks, certainly. I don't have to go out of my way to spend time with people who don't make me feel good in real life, either. But I do have to let go of my reactions to them, justified or not ... because, really, aren't most petty resentments just that ... petty? They're as easy to release as dandelion fluff, if you just decide to do it. Hang on to them, though, and they'll irritate your insides to no end. So thanks, FB. That brief exposure to my lesser self wasn't very comfortable, but I'm heading off into today with a higher purpose, and that's good. Just ask my priest, my therapist, and my yoga instructor.
