Jury Duty

My fellow jurors:
Housewives and Bored Retirees-
Not "Twelve Angry Men."

I had kind of hoped my civic duty might involve some kind of meaningful responsibility - a chance to represent that most wonderful of documents, the US Constitution, and ensure liberty and justice for all. When I got that brown summons in the mail, I instantly formed a mental picture of myself wearing the flowing robes and blindfold of Lady Justice, and I must confess ... it wasn't a half-bad look for me.

Instead I found myself shivering in a large, cold, holding pen with an assortment of stoic businesspeople, harried-looking parents (the spit-up stains on their left shoulders a dead giveaway) and nice older folks who wanted to talk to everyone. It was kind of like being on an airplane, only there weren't any snacks.

Then, instead of getting some really cool case involving civil rights or freedom of speech or some other weighty issue, the other prospective jurors and I were asked to consider the case of an over-coiffed Beverly Hills matron whose slimy-looking attorney husband was attempting to sue the pants off some hapless surgeon who apparently botched her latest face lift. I'm pretty sure the fact that I snorted out loud when the judge stated one of the claims was "loss of marital consortium" had something to do with my quick dismissal.

Sigh. Maybe next time.